Alone in Love? Or Alone in Pain?
by Flying By Wire
Summary: Taylor hasn't been Falling Star for very long and doesn't know how to deal with all these changes. She's slowly driving me to insanity while she was unknowingly suffering more than I thought... JackxOC Oneshot. Rated T for cursing and self harming


**Alright so if you haven't read any of A Dab of Frost or A Cup of stars, you're gonna be kinda lost. But if you're just here because of the topic then whatever I think it'll be fine not knowing about Taylor herself. Meh.**

**This is my first oneshot, so be gentle please.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Oneshot: RoTG: A Dab of Frost/ A Cup of Stars**

**Alone In Love? Or Alone In Pain?**

(Back when Taylor became Falling Star and her mother "rejected" her existence, while she attempted to cope with having no believers as well.)

Taylor came back from another night of work, looking just absolutely exhausted. I stood aside when she let herself drop to the floor lightly on her feet and ran a hand through her hair tiredly.

I laid a hand on her shoulder and she glanced up at me. "Hey Tay, how was work?" I asked with a smile but she just sighed.

"Tiring, that's what." She said and leaned on my shoulder and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well you're home now. That's what matters." I smiled and kissed her forehead lightly, patting her on the back as a gesture for a job well done. I frowned though when I saw her flinch at the movement.

"Tay? What's the matter?" I asked, she bit her lip before smiling rather forcefully my way.

"I-It's nothing. Sorry," She laughed before pulling me along with her to our room. "Come on, let's go."

She dragged me away before I could so much and protest and let herself fall onto the bed with a sigh. I frowned at her and leaned against the wall.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" I asked, breaking through the silence as a familiar meow rang from the edge of the bed and Taylor sat up again to put Duchess in her lap caringly.

"It's nothing, I… Well… I guess," She paused, lowering her eyes to end up looking directly into her cat's as well. "I wish I could change things sometimes… That's all." She touched her back absentmindedly and I raised a brow.

"What do you mean 'change things'?" I asked suspiciously. She bit her lip in thought.

"If Pitch didn't kill me, then my own mother wouldn't hate me… Albeit indirectly, but still, I wouldn't be invisible either, and…," She sighed heavily and pulled her knees to her chest after setting the cat aside. "I don't know, just all these changes came so fast… I don't know what to do."

I bit my lip and sat beside her before draping an arm across her shoulders. Inwardly I felt like breaking a window; sure, I knew where she was coming from- to a point- but hearing this _every time _she came home from work? I wasn't sure how much more I could take, or how well I could help her when nothing was working at all. Sure, North's talk might've made things a little easier, but it was still eating away at her more and more every day.

"Tay… I know things are hard right now, but you heard North; it just takes time. You'll get a believer in no time, considering you're actually granting the wishes people all thought was just wishful thinking. And Pitch was… Well, if only I could've been there in time…" I growled to myself and clenched my hand into a shaking fist. Taylor shook her head.

"I know, but… It just feels like time won't change anything. Pitch… It wasn't your fault. I got myself into that mess. Except… I still wonder what would've happened if I didn't go with him that night." She muttered.

"Then he would've killed your mom too, _and _you wouldn't have gotten Duchess back. Besides," I started and nuzzled her neck lightly and she seemed to shiver with pleasure. "Now we'll always be together." I leaned in, cupping her cheek and kissing her dead on the lips, after a moment she returned the favor.

She pulled away for a second to breathe and laid her face against my chest while I lowered my arm to hug her waist. "I know, and I love that, really. But at the time it felt like things were easier… Before I was changed." I frowned irritably and narrowed my eyes.

"So… You don't want to be like me? You'd rather be with me as a mortal? What, are you saying it would've been _better _not to be with me, _like_ me?" Hurt flashed in her eyes, but the things she's been saying were getting to me now.

"What? No! I love being with you! But I just-" I pulled my arm away from her like she was made of acid. She made to reason with me but I wouldn't hear of it for some reason. I stood from the bed with my staff in hand, already feeling the room get colder.

"No! No buts! You can't go back in time and make a ton of selfish decisions just to keep things the way they were before! If you wanted to be seen and keep your mom, than maybe you should just go back so you never even met me- you know what? I don't care what you do! Make some stars, go set Pitch on fire- hell, set your _house_ on fire if you want to, just don't include me in it!" It'd been snowing in the room by the time I'd slammed the door shut and ignoring Taylor's cries of my name on the other side.

Deep down I knew I was out of line, but I didn't care right now. All I felt was anger and frustration. Without a second thought I stormed off blindly around the Pole.

If I'd saved Taylor from Pitch, then she wouldn't have been reborn as Falling Star, she wouldn't be like me. But then she wouldn't have had that scare with her mother either, nor would she be invisible like me too.

But still… Hearing the same words time after time, not being able to cheer her up in the slightest, listening to her as she basically ignored me like she'd tuned out everything but her doubts and fears.

I let out a loud grunt of frustration and ruffled my hair as I stepped out onto a balcony facing the night sky.

"Talk about annoying." I growled.

* * *

"-Just don't include me in it!" Jack screamed, slamming the door shut after he stepped out into the hallway. Taylor stood with her arm outstretched and her eyes wide.

"Jack- wait!" She cried, tears welling up in her eyes. What was she going to do now? Jack completely hated her guts! She'd be lucky if he even looked at her again after that nightmare.

She shivered violently at the dreadfully cold temperature of the room, the snow finally slowed to a stop. She bit her lip so hard a small trickle of blood dripped down her chin and collapsed to her knees on the floor, her head held in her hands like she felt it'd explode.

"What have I done…? Jack, I…," She sniffed and shakily turned her head to the bathroom across the room and steadily made her way inside, unbuttoning her sweater and taking off her tank top and frowning at the sight. "I-I'm sorry."

All she could see was the freshly rubbed off skin bleeding down her back before she reached for a towel and small knife in the cabinet to continue her process.

The process Pitch loved to remind her of so much.

Taylor bit her lip and grabbed the rough towel before running it like mad across the wound, feeling the familiar burning as it gave off the same sharp pain as before. She pulled away the towel to find it now dyed red, she pulled her tank top back on and wiped the tears falling from her eyes before picking up the small knife in her shaking hands.

"I'm sorry…"

* * *

"You're an idiot, Mate."

I groaned from my spot leaning against the rail at Bunny's comment. He leaned against the wall on the other side of the balcony with his arms crossed, his nose crinkling in the cold.

"I _know_ Bunny; that's the fifth time you've said that. You can either leave, or help me figure out how to apologize the right way." I grumbled as I ran a hand through my hair. Bunny just shrugged.

"Not my fault it's true. But fine, now- what the 'ell happened?" He asked, making random hand gestures as if showing how confused he was. I sighed and bit my lip.

"I don't even know how this happened anymore. One minute she just gets home from work and starts acting weird and then… Then it's just yelling and anger," My eyes lowered and I faced the open landscape with my arms folded over the railing and I rested my head on top of my arms. "I know I overreacted, but I was just getting tired of knowing I couldn't do anything and having to realize that every time she got upset about our situation."

I blinked when I felt Bunny's paw rest on my shoulder and looked up at his concerned yet puzzled frown.

"It'll be a'right Mate, jus' talk to 'er." He reasoned, he started saying more but at some point I guess I must've tuned him out. My eyes were shut in thought before I frowned to myself.

Why was she acting so weird when she came back home…? I never got to find out that part. I sighed lightly and realized Bunnymund had stopped talking. I glanced at him to find his brow furrowed as if trying to comprehend something.

"What'd you say, Frostbite? Weird how?" I raised a brow in confusion before realizing I must've said that out loud and I bit my lip.

"I'm not really sure myself. She'd flinch when I touched her back, her hands, her arms… They were fine, it was just her back she didn't want. It's like she was hurting there or something…" I slowly stood from the railing and Bunny just laughed uncertainly.

"Hurt? Not much could happen on that job o' hers. Unless she'd been hurtin' herself or somethin'…" Bunny trailed off before his eyes widened, I'm sure mine were doing the same as we both seemed to come to the same conclusion.

"Jack… She tried to do it once before… Right? You don' think she…" Whatever else he'd planned on saying escaped us. In no more than a second we both went running down the hallway and back to mine and Taylor's room like our lives depended on it.

Or someone _else's._

Without thinking I swung the door open and rushed inside with Bunny on my tail.

"Tay! Tay, are you in here?" I asked urgently, getting no reply. I panicked, glancing around the room alarmingly before my eyes landed on the closed bathroom door. I heard the sink running on the inside with light shining underneath the door itself.

I shot a quick look at Bunny who nodded, we both started toward the door cautiously

"Tay? Are you in there?" I knocked twice and looked down at the sliver of light escaping the room before laying my hand against the door firmly. "Tay, listen- I'm _really_ sorry about before. But we need to talk- yknow- with_out_ a door in between us. Okay?" I called out over the rushing water, still getting no response.

I glanced at Bunny worriedly and he frowned, his foot thumping anxiously on the floor. "Tay…?" I said, reaching for the doorknob to twist in open. A frown made its way to my face when it opened so easily it was like the door wasn't even closed to begin with.

I peeked my head through the crack in the door and looked around. "Tay?" I blinked, finding nothing. I sighed and lowered my head.

What was on the floor nearly made me faint.

"Taylor!" I swung the door open and allowed Bunny full view as well. I heard him gasp in fear.

Taylor's body was curled up on the tiled floor with her sweater discarded carelessly beside her. Her body was shaking violently as if she were cold or having a nightmare. There was a bright red stain against her light blue tank top with several cuts adorning her forearms and wrists and her face was pale and sweating so much her bangs were pasted to her forehead.

"Taylor! Tay, come on. Open your eyes! Look at me, please!" I cried, picking her up carefully as Bunny ran a towel under the sink's water and held it against one of her bleeding arms.

"What the _fuck _is goin' on…?" He growled, obviously resisting the biggest rant of all time. I ignored him for now, only caring about my disturbingly limp girlfriend in my arms.

"Tay, please! You have to open your eyes…," I pleaded, cupping her cheek with tears running down my face. I felt a wave of relief when a small groan escaped her lips and her eyes cracked open painfully. "Tay! Tay, thank the Moon you're okay. What-"

"J-Jack…?" She whispered breathlessly and made to raise her wrapped up arm to her face, wincing. Whether it was from the cuts or Bunny's unimaginable pressure on said arm, I'd never know. Tears welled up in her eyes and my heart sank. "Jack… I-I'm sorry… I just-"

I shushed her with a forced smile and adjusted my hold on her frail body. "Shh, shh… Tay, it's going to be okay. We'll talk about it later. Right now we just gotta get you out of here." I cooed and she nodded tiredly and let her eyes slam shut. I shot Bunny a look and he nodded, we both stood at the same time with Taylor in my arms and Bunny holding the pressure on her arm while switching to the other one every now and then.

I buried my face in her blonde hair in an attempt to close out the world as we passed through the hallway hurriedly, the yetis and elves even paused to move out of the way for us. Bunny kicked open the infirmary door and I sniffed.

"I-I'm sorry…"

* * *

Darkness.

That's all there was; just darkness. It was scary… She was scared. She was numb.

She was alone.

Everything felt far away, like she knew it was there, but… But then it still felt like there was nothing at all.

Things; feelings. They were slowly registering in her mind. She couldn't feel her body, aside from the pain emanating from her arms and lower back. But she could feel the things that were touching it.

Something sharp embedded in her wrist, pumping something into her body. A dull warmth over her whole body, perhaps a blanket? And lastly, a cold feeling taking over her entire hand… But not a deathly terrifying cold, more like… Like winter, a familiar winter.

Her eyes opened painfully as if they hadn't done so in days- weeks even. They were met with darkness again, the room was dark, but still held a light shade as if its walls were actually meant to be a bright color instead… Maybe it was nighttime?

Movement flashed out of the corner of her eye and she turned her head slowly to find a white-haired boy grasping her hand and leaning over the side of the bed with his head resting on his arm tiredly. His hair ruffled slightly in the breeze coming in through the window.

Wait a minute… White hair…

Everything came flooding back into Taylor's mind. From the fight between her and Jack, to the cutting… And to when he and Bunnyund found her on the bathroom floor in a bloody heap.

"J… Ja…" Her voice cut off into a hoarse coughing fit, sitting up she unconsciously pulled her dominant hand out of Jack's death grip to cover her mouth, immediately regretting doing so when he stirred uncomfortably.

She tried to calm her already aching throat and doing so poorly, her eyes darted this way and that in hopes of finding water. Her eyes widened when she heard Jack groan beside her and sit up in his chair, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Mm… Wha…?" He started, looking at his now empty hand with a bit of hurt in his eyes as if wondering why Taylor's own wasn't there in its grip. His head raised a little until he saw her looking back at him drowsily and his eyes widened in surprise. "Tay…? Y-You're awake?" He asked and she bit her lip.

"Um… Yeah, I-I um… Jack, I-" She was cut off when he cried in delight and hugged her as tight as he possibly could.

"Thank the Moon- you're okay! Tay, I was so scared, I thought you were gone! You were just on the floor and- and all that blood, never do anything like that again. I thought I lost you!" He cried and Taylor was instantly eaten up with guilt. His grip on her tightened somehow and she winced when the pressure irritated the wound on her back. He noticed her discomfort and pulled away awkwardly.

"Sorry Tay, I just… I thought you were gone. Those cuts… The blood…" He shuddered at the memory and she lowered her head guiltily, biting her lip.

"Jack… I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean… With the fight before a-and I just- I just lost it…" She sniffed. Jack took her hand in his and placed his other hand on top of hers after lifting her chin up so she could look into his deep, sorrowful eyes.

"Tay, no. I'm sorry I went all crazy back there… I didn't mean to. I was just tired of hearing what's wrong all the time, knowing I can't change any of it… I guess I just took some random thing you said and blew it out of proportion." He sighed and Taylor shook her head.

"No, some of the things I said were… Out of line. My mind just went into overdrive. Jack… Please, don't think for a _second_ that I wouldn't want to be with you- I mean now we don't have to worry about mortality. To be with you like this is… Well, a dream come true, really," She flashed a sad smile before rubbing one of her bandaged arms lightly. "Sure, I miss my mom and being seen… But how is any different before? In some ways anyway. She was never home, I'd get ignored all the time anyway- you saw how it was before you actually talked to me… In all honesty… I wouldn't change a thing."

A light grin made its way to his face and her body brightened a little in recognition. He pulled her face close to his, cupped her cheek and kissed her for what must've felt like an eternity. After a while they pulled away and he laid a hand softly on her arm, staring into her eyes like it all really was a dream.

"I love you." Taylor whispered and she nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck.

"And I love you… But Tay, how long has… _This, _been going on?" I asked, gesturing to the bandages which my hand was on top of. Her body dimmed again and he frowned.

"I… Just for a little while… I'm sorry, but it just- it got so hard for a while a-and I didn't what else to do. And then the fight and I-," She cut herself off before she let herself ramble and she blinked away tears threatening to fall. "I guess… I just couldn't take any more." She muttered and Jack buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair and she felt him frown against her head.

"I-I'll stop. I know I should…," She went on again uncertainly. "It's just so difficult… I don't know how."

He pulled away enough to look her in the eye and placed his hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Tay. I'll help you here just like I always have. Yknow… Like a boyfriend is _supposed_ to do," She couldn't help but giggle at that comment and he grinned. "I'll go with you on your jobs just to make sure. And we'll keep an eye on these," He gestured to her arms and back. "Scars just don't suit a falling star, after all."

She smiled and leaned against his chest caringly and sighed lightly. "Thanks, Jack." She whispered, a small yawn following after.

"Get some rest, Tay. You could use it after all that." He smiled, tucking Taylor in as she somewhat reluctantly lowered herself back onto the surface of the bed, her eyes catching the small IV hanging from a stand and he frowned to himself.

When he and Bunny brought her to the infirmary- and after a _ton_ of explaining to North- they were informed that Taylor was in this weakened state as a result of blood loss. So, since that fateful day, she'd been hooked up to an IV filled to the brim with what North found was her blood type.

Jack pushed some of her hair out of her face in order to distract her from it- it worked rather quick and then he remembered when Taylor met Pitch. He said she was scared to death of blood because of things like this.

"Get some sleep Tay, okay?" He kissed her forehead lightly before standing from the bed, only to be stopped by a hand tugging at his own. His head turned her own that was barely over the edge of the blanket.

"Jack, can you stay in here tonight? With me…? I don't like being alone when this happens…" She drifted off uneasily and I shot her a lopsided smile.

"Sure thing. Think you can make some room in there for me?" I asked and she shuffled over, closer to the blood bag so as not to tamper with the tube injected in her arm. I slipped under the covers beside her and pulled her body close to mine- fitting together ever-so perfectly like normal.

After a moment Taylor relaxed in my arms with her face resting on my chest with my own on her head.

"Good night Jack." She breathed, already drifting off to sleep.

"Good night Tay…" I whispered, smiling when all I heard was her soft breathing before closing my eyes, feeling sleep overtake me.

"I'll never let anything hurt you again."

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